For men, how can a wife have an affair? Wife's affair may be the most terrible thing in life, even the shadow of a lifetime. One is that, in the eyes of the public, women's affairs are different from men's, which are heinous and unforgivable. For example, when a male star has an affair, the public's condemnation will be broken. However, if Ma Rong has an affair, the whole society will directly turn her into a real-life version of Pan Jinlian. As a husband / boyfriend, she would rather encounter any difficulties in life than stick to the label of "green hat" which men consider the most humiliating. So why do some men still try their best to beg for help after their wives / girlfriends have an affair? Is it something wrong with their brains? Men are more realistic animals than women, and they are not as emotional as women. If the face of a woman's affair, if you really think it's not good to save her, then men will not do this kind of "loss business".
There are only a few reasons for women's infidelity. Only those brave men who have a firm heart and are willing to face up to their own mistakes can understand that redemption is to atone for what they have "done" or "failed to do" in the past. There is basically only one reason why women have affairs: their needs have not been met. Many men are brainwashed by social culture and feel that women's extramarital affairs are unforgivable because it shows that she is "lewd", "dissatisfied with desire" and "shameless", while many people have wrong values and stigmatize sex,. But I can tell you responsibly that 99.99% of the reasons why women have affairs are not because of sex. So what exactly does she need? You see, why does she have an affair? Once she devoted all her love to you, and she loved you so deeply that she didn't know what she wanted from her intimate lover. It's strange that she didn't have an affair! As a modern woman, life pressure is not less than men. In the workplace, to be a housewife will be divorced from the society and be looked down upon by her husband, husband's family and friends.
There are fewer and fewer men who are considerate of their wives and help them with their children. Basically, they are shopkeepers, playing games, watching TV and gathering with friends at home. Too many men are not very different from bachelors after marriage and are not willing to give up their daily entertainment. But the woman originally weak, for the mother is just, had the child, does not she want to imagine before the same beautiful make-up? Don't want to go out with my little sister for afternoon tea, shopping, singing and watching movies? But she is a mother, social pressure or natural motherhood, men do not invest in the family, she can not. So a woman, coerced in the family life, pays and pays, but her needs are never met. Even the man who gets along day and night even doesn't know what her needs are. Once she encounters the temptation of an affair, she has almost no ability to resist! So, what are women's needs? It's what men "did" or "didn't do.".
1、 Those high-risk events that let her choose to have an affair, and you "did" them
1) He was ambiguous with other women and even had an affair history
2) Language violence, cold violence, suppression and accusation
3) Too much negative energy and complaining
4) Love to compare her with others (whose wife is so virtuous / beautiful / sensible...) ；
5) Not motivated at work, addicted to games / social / recreational activities
2、 The high-risk events that let her choose to have an affair and you didn't do it
1) They didn't give her enough care and attention and ignored her indifferently
2) No understanding and gratitude for her dedication to you and your children
3) She didn't make the same effort to run the family as she did (sharing the housework and spending the same amount of time with her children)
4) There is no "lubricant" for the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to avoid conflicts among family members
5) There is no normal frequency and high quality sex life
So, if you are the biggest trigger for her affair, please be honest! She is wrong because of your mistake, so retrieve, is your correction, in exchange for her correction process! In fact, I really want to recover, I can't give up her, but how should I do? When they find out that their partner is having an affair, the reaction of men is mostly anger at first, and then they are afraid when the anger is over, because they don't understand why the other person is having an affair and how to cross this barrier to repair your marriage.
First of all, please ask yourself if you want her back. As the saying goes, "flies don't stare at seamless eggs." You know, the reason why women have affairs is that men have problems. Although men are naturally more concerned about possession and face, if you think that her affair is unforgivable, and it is her fault, I'm sorry that I may not be able to help you. But if you are willing to admit that you have problems, please follow my advice and analysis below. The woman you love may come back to you. There is no doubt that we choose to marry because we love each other, and love because they can meet our emotional needs. And when you can no longer meet her emotional needs, others can take advantage of it. A woman is born for love and always follows the one who can meet her emotional needs. They have no resistance to this man. Therefore, one of the seven rules for maintaining a successful marriage is to recognize and meet the most important needs of your partner. Therefore, when your own needs are not met, you can have a frank chat with your spouse to let them know what you really think. If she has not complained to you like this for a long time or even never, she has given up seeking satisfaction from you and directly turns to other people outside the marriage for emotional value, which eventually leads to extramarital affairs.
Once an affair begins, it can be addicted. The emotional connections that once led you into marriage are now the fatal cause of her affair. Having an affair, she depends on her lover. This man accepts all her demands as tenderly as you did in the past. If you force her to break up with her lover, she will see you as an enemy. Because you are forcing her to leave her psychological dependence and stop the "heart addiction" that makes her unable to extricate herself, she will feel strong anger, anxiety and depression. What should you do if she refuses to leave her lover?
First of all, I would suggest plan a, which is to meet her emotional needs. Even if she's still connected to her lover, you need to meet her needs. By doing so, you are essentially replacing the needs provided by your lover from the level of satisfying her needs, proving to her that you value her more than her lover. Because you have so much more than his lover, the family you run together, the way you raise children, or the way you live after you both run in. Especially at the family level, it's hard for her lover to meet her part of the needs. In the end, her lover would rather look for a less fettered woman than a wife you love deeply. Give yourself 3-6 months to act. Your code of conduct is as follows: improve your love map, share power with your wife, let her influence you, solve solvable problems, learn to live with problems that can't be solved temporarily, create common meaning, and respect each other's dreams.
First of all, you have to judge what her lover has done to make her irresistible. Maybe he would like to talk to her and share interesting things; maybe he would create romance and encourage and praise her in his words; maybe he would show his concern for her without stinginess, and he would appear whenever she needed. Most importantly, perhaps he would not criticize or complain to her, nor would he exert emotional pressure on her. For example, when she comes back to her mother's house, call her, send her flowers, and show her that you miss her. But please point so far, do not be too low posture, do not force her to make a choice and give up immediately. You just do your part of being yourself and show your attention to her in a surprise way.
Second, in the actual process of getting along with each other, she will have a stage of "investigation" on you. Check whether you have really changed, whether you really accept her return. So don't act on your own without her consent. Maybe it is because of your repeated emotions that she feels that her appeal has been ignored by you. Your male chauvinism causes her to be disappointed again and again. Anyway, she just doesn't want to listen to your suggestion or obey it. Human nature is to "seek pleasure and avoid hardship". Now that she has returned to her dominant life, there are lovers who have changed their ways to meet her emotional needs. Naturally, she will not want to change this comfortable state and return to you. In the past few years of marriage, she has tried to enter your life, but all of them failed because of your willful action and neglect. Now she wants to jump out of this prison and follow the life state that makes her more happy and relaxed. Now you should start trying to change. Instead of imposing your ideas on her, or forcing her to obey your instructions, create a communication environment that makes her feel secure. Even if her affair makes you feel extremely hurt, don't scold her. I know it's hard to do that, well, very hard. But if you can't bear to leave her, please don't scold her. Don't expect her to apologize or even to explain the details of the affair. Having an affair is a fait accompli, saving the future is your top priority.
If their relationship really breaks down, the lover completely disappears from her world, resigns, goes abroad, marries another woman or returns to his original wife, and will never see your wife again, then you can continue to implement plan a to warm up the relationship and restore a happy family. But if she still secretly meets her lover without your knowledge, then I suggest you do physical isolation. You take her away and start over in another city. Because as long as she stays here for one day, she may still indulge in this relationship, and they may meet to rekindle their love. Only leave, from can help her truly "break addiction". These methods can help the men who have an affair, but still can recover the men who have little mathematical intelligence and strong executive power, which is called "de Emotionalization" in psychology. But most ordinary men, under the shadow of "green", have no way to talk about reason and executive power!